Labor: it’s all in your head
My clients are really great. I’m very lucky that I work with folks who are kind, open minded, honest, curious, ready for the adventure that is birth and genuinely nice people. They are smart and ask questions and make informed decisions. And that’s really fantastic. Another thing I see is the common qualities we all share. It’s always interesting, when we come to the discussion of how your brain and body work during labor - we hit a bit of a road block. And I think that’s because society has shaped us in such a way to generally be:
◇ independent
◇ “in control”
◇ efficient
◇ goal-setting (and getting).
It is for these very reasons that embracing the full experience of birth can be challenging: you have no control. You don’t know how it will unfold. Modern, intelligent and confident people such as my clients are not accustomed to this kind of unpredictability - there are very few things in life that are so unknown, that require you to walk into the dark, not knowing what’s on the other side.
But for birth, that’s what you need to do. You need to surrender to the process. Transcend the worry, stress, fear of the unknown, and let go. Why? Because the mind and the body are connected. If your brain is telling you stories of tension and stress, your body responds by tensing and tightening. For a baby to be born smoothly, the body needs to be loose and relaxed. The jaw, the neck, the shoulders, even your butt and legs hold the tension that your body is feeling - and especially, so do the muscles surrounding your uterus and your baby. If you’re holding on to fear, you’re also holding on to your baby - holding them tightly inside you as your muscles respond to what your brain is telling them.
It is not an easy thing to let go. For many, it is the biggest hurdle on their path to parenthood.
Your preparation and planning for the birth can help you. Here are my tips for accepting the unknown and being ready to surrender to birth.
◇ It is important to face any fears you might have before the labor begins, so you have, to paraphrase Pam England in her excellent book Birthing from Within, banished all the tigers from the room. This can be done introspectively, or by actively working through it with a partner or a professional. It’s a big part of what I offer in prenatal sessions to my Birth Clients.
◇ Mental training, such as using affirmations, visualisations, and meditation can really help you to ground yourself and remind yourself that you are in the process, doing it, and to go along with whatever happens.
◇ Get to know your body. Notice when you are holding tension, and where your body holds it. For me, it’s my neck - I can tell when I’ve got a build-up of stuff going on in my life when my neck starts getting sore and stiff. Now that I have learned to be more aware of that, I try to preempt any tension staying there by doing exercises, using heat packs and stretches to relax and loosen.
◇ Learn to surrender. To master any skill, you need to practise. Repetition and reminders help. Get used to “going with the flow” in your daily life. How do you feel if something doesn't go as you want it to? Let yourself feel it, and then let that go. Onwards and upwards. The more you say to yourself, I Surrender to this, the more you are preparing your mind to do the same in birth.
If you are able to become accustomed to letting go, you’ll find it will serve you well not only for birth, but in parenthood. Caring for a newborn, a baby, a toddler, a child, a teenager(!) is an ongoing lesson in accepting that things do not always turn out as you’d planned; and you might find that the journey is all the more enjoyable because of your ability to roll with it.
Beautiful image by Jenna Nord Photography, who photographs birth and women in such power. She’s based in Montana.
